Gerry didn't work out because Gerry didn't work. And after
spending one night in complete darkness because "pretty
didn't pay the light bill," Gerry and I broke up and are no
Marshall wasn't a viable suitor because when he finally
revealed himself to me, I found out that his breasts were
larger than mine because he used to be a she. Marshall and
I are no longer speaking.
Keith could have been the one. I met him at a taco stand
and I was certain he was the "It Man." He was beautiful,
articulate, and one my favorite things on earth, employed.
When I was in his presence he felt like the last man on
earth. But on our first date I became extremely irritated
by this simple fact: his wife kept paging him during our
So, Jesus, I am down on my knees begging for mercy. I ask
for an eligible, employed, nonviolent single man with no
current wives or husbands who has more teeth than felony
convictions to enter my world and escort me to the rest of
my life. Amen.
---from Michael (a woman, craving her "It Man")