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DARK LORD SEEKS FRIENDSHIP, MAYBE MORE by ELISA VIPERAS

Summary

Velenth is a Dark Lord, full of dirty tricks and dark intrigue. He's not exactly the kind of ruler his people might have wanted, but he's helped them out a lot, improving the economy and the sewer system. He's even creating a new fashion statement with his dark and dipped in black ways. So why is he so lonely. Velenth knows just what he needs, so he decides to put out a personal ad. For friendship, maybe more. Can he find what he needs in this hilarious fantastical romp?

Excerpt

Prologue: A Very Brief Explanation of the Current Political Climate in the Kingdom of Thance

Once upon a time there was a beautiful queen who stopped smiling. Her smile had been the most dazzling in the kingdom, but as time went by, she displayed it less and less until one day it disappeared completely. For the Queen wanted the one thing she did not have: a child. The years passed, and she began to lose hope of ever being a mother.

Desperate and out of options, the King trekked through the mountains to seek out the Fairy of the Morning Wood. The fairy in question had heard all the jokes, but politely faked a laugh when the King gave his. In truth, she was quite relieved to receive a visit from the King since nowadays more and more royal couples were opting to adopt deserving children of humble origin.

"We can go about this one of two ways," the fairy informed the King. "Cheap and quick, or costly and slow."

"Oh, man, cheap and quick," the King said.

"Wait, wait," the fairy said, holding her hands up. "Hear me out. The slower way might take me up to two years, and you'll have to pay for some really rare ingredients, but I can pretty much guarantee a top notch sort of offspring. Good-looking, clever..."

"Mmhm," said the King. "So, cheap and quick?"

"Well, you'd get results within nine months," the fairy explained. "But you've got a fifty-fifty chance of winding up with an evil, usurping child that kills you in your sleep on their sixteenth birthday." She paused. "That or he'll have fire in his blood. I'm not sure, it's been awhile."

"Eh, what's life without some excitement?" The King grinned.

The fairy quietly decided he must have been one of those kings who had won his kingdom with the help of a very smart farm animal. She accepted his money, said no more, and sent him on his way.

The fairy rolled up her sleeves and did a damn good job considering she had only generic ingredients.

Soon, the Queen gave birth to twin boys.

Velenth the Fair had large eyes as blue as the sky and sweet blond wisps of hair. Nalenth the Dark had eyes like little jet beads and coal black hair that stuck out in tufts. Velenth became a happy child, quick to laughter, who endeared himself to many by offering hugs and flowers he'd picked himself. Nalenth skulked around corners, had a perpetually sour, sullen look on his tiny face, and whined whenever anyone tried to touch him.

In the interest of self-preservation, the King sealed Nalenth in a large, black tower, ignoring the advisors who said that locking Nalenth in a tower would make him want to kill his father. Better safe than sorry.

On his sons' sixteenth birthday, the King found himself under attack by an elegantly reorganized army and betrayed by a castle staff won over long ago by hugs and big blue eyes.

So Velenth came to power, assassinating his father and all who remained loyal to the dead king. This event would color the rest of his rule, although Velenth managed to jump start a struggling economy, built a proper sewer system, and unified several city-states and fringe communities under one multi-province kingdom. In addition, he began a successful spay-and-neuter program that really helped with the rampant plague of unicorns.

Velenth liked all aspects of politics and strategy. He experimented with battle strategies, covering everything from intricate war tactics to brutal barbarian strikes. He kept up with court drama well enough to quash any potential uprisings and betrayals, and was popular with most of the kingdom given the previously mentioned social programs.

It didn't hurt that he was young and not exactly bad looking.

There was, though, quite a lot of blood on Velenth's hands. The assassination of his father aside, even the most forgiving of citizens found it difficult to overlook his sending the former Queen to a convent. He hadn't exactly gotten around to freeing his brother from the tower, either. In addition, Velenth hated unicorns and puppies and made no secret of either fact. The title of "Dark Lord" just naturally attached itself to him.

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Dark Lord Seeks Friendship, Maybe More
by Elisa Viperas

Torquere Press
June 1, 2007
ISBN #1603700447
EAN #9781603700443
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